Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
OMG I get SO pissed at people who make statements like the one made on the Garden WRT the computer and our MM's. Excuse me, but first of all, I don't recall anyone asking for your OPINION on MM's using the computer and second of all... WTF do you think you are? Neither one of my kids are bumps on a log and they have both used the computer at a young age. I suppose if you park them in front of the monitor all day its no better then the T.V. but come on. Who is doing that? Not me. I use it as a tool in addition to reading books and coloring and all the other stuff I work my ass off to squeeze into my very busy day.
I also love how a woman with one child feels justified in telling me, someone who has FOUR kids, from 7 to 10 months, during the week what I should not be doing. WTF ever. Walk a day in my shoes and tell me again what I'm doing wrong.
So :op Take that. How ya like me now?
LMAO Sorry to rant, but ugh that really made me mad.
I also love how a woman with one child feels justified in telling me, someone who has FOUR kids, from 7 to 10 months, during the week what I should not be doing. WTF ever. Walk a day in my shoes and tell me again what I'm doing wrong.
So :op Take that. How ya like me now?
LMAO Sorry to rant, but ugh that really made me mad.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
My new Hyena Cart store is up and doing well! I'm so very excited by my newfound craft. :o) Sewing is so much fun.
Anyhow, I am doing better. Thanks to everyone who has been a source of comfort and support these past weeks, it's a rocky road but we'll get to the end! Together. :)
So that's it. Just wanted to share my happiness with my new project. I have things to sew, gotta go!!
Anyhow, I am doing better. Thanks to everyone who has been a source of comfort and support these past weeks, it's a rocky road but we'll get to the end! Together. :)
So that's it. Just wanted to share my happiness with my new project. I have things to sew, gotta go!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I wanna have the same last dream again,
the one where I wake up and I'm alive.
Just as the four walls close me within,
my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time,
anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
and your vicious pain, your warning sign,
you will be fine.
Any type of love - it will be shown,
like every single tree reach for the sky.
If you're gonna fall,
I'll let you know,
that I will pick you up
like you for I,
I felt this thing,
I can't replace.
the one where I wake up and I'm alive.
Just as the four walls close me within,
my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time,
anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
and your vicious pain, your warning sign,
you will be fine.
Any type of love - it will be shown,
like every single tree reach for the sky.
If you're gonna fall,
I'll let you know,
that I will pick you up
like you for I,
I felt this thing,
I can't replace.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Was that supposed to help? It didn't. You are wrong about so many things, including me. I know that doesn't happen to you often, but it is right now. A friend doesn't just stop being a friend because you make a decision that doesn't sit well. At least I wouldn't have. The only reason I'm doing it now is because my heart can't take the attacks. You will find out later that you are wrong, of that I'm sure. By that time it will probably be too late to repair. Maybe not, I guess we will cross that bridge if we ever come to it.
It's not healthy? For who? You or me? Because my God, please tell me what about the entire situation is healthy? Driving out the people you care about and who care about you is whats not healthy. It doesn't have to be like this. It just doesn't. If you cared enough you would have made it work, like I was trying to do.
You're right about one thing. I don't agree with your choice, I told you before I just don't want you to do something that has huge ramifications that you could regret one. You can never take this back my friend, and any damage that it does will be hard as hell for you to repair. One day you will have to answer her questions and I hope you have something better to say to her then you did to me.
I miss you already. I sent you a Mother's Day card a few weeks ago that you'll get tomorrow. Obviously disregard the mush mush'ing and "call me" But don't ignore the part about how much I love you and want the best for you. I mean that still.
It's not healthy? For who? You or me? Because my God, please tell me what about the entire situation is healthy? Driving out the people you care about and who care about you is whats not healthy. It doesn't have to be like this. It just doesn't. If you cared enough you would have made it work, like I was trying to do.
You're right about one thing. I don't agree with your choice, I told you before I just don't want you to do something that has huge ramifications that you could regret one. You can never take this back my friend, and any damage that it does will be hard as hell for you to repair. One day you will have to answer her questions and I hope you have something better to say to her then you did to me.
I miss you already. I sent you a Mother's Day card a few weeks ago that you'll get tomorrow. Obviously disregard the mush mush'ing and "call me" But don't ignore the part about how much I love you and want the best for you. I mean that still.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Ok so that isn't technically true. I guess I could purge my guts to the board-again. But I don't want to. I'm tired of dragging my guts out for everyone to see. I appreciate the support I've gotten so much but I need to vent in a place where you can either choose to read it or not. Not everyone knows about my blog anyhow.
This is eating away at me like nothing I have ever experienced. I have literally been sobbing for 2 days now. So much so that my eyes are just about swollen shut. My husband actually took pity on me and brought me home dinner and a special dessert. This is huge coming from someone who can't understand how online friends are, in fact, actual friends.
I feel like I broke up with my first boyfriend, you know that awful feeling that nothing will ever be right? For example, I'm moving home to CA and I'm wondering how I'm going to do that without Tarina. As if she was going to be here packing or something. I know, I'm insane.
I'm checking my inbox like crazy and running like a madwoman to my cell each time it rings, thinking FOR SURE this time it will be her saying she can't do this either.
But it's not. I keep thinking that maybe the best thing about this for her is the love of a friend, sometimes its just enough to know it's there. Even if she didn't earn it, or want it or need it. There it is, no matter how bad it gets. She wants me to go, so I will let her be... No matter how much I want to pick up the phone. I won't. But she is killing me. This is killing me. But she doesn't want me to care right now. Maybe she never will again. Maybe she'll call me tomorrow. She's stronger then that though. Anyhow who can flat out tell someone they are close to that they don't want their friendship isn't going to be fazed by my outpouring of grief. She's changed her IM, I fully expect her to boot me off her friends list & make it private, and then change her email. She probably will never even see this.
I hope she doesn't. This morning I wanted her to just fucking notice. I wanted her to feel bad that she is doing this. I know she said she did in her blog but it wasn't enough. Now I am back to just the worst sadness, but I don't want to share it with her. I want her to be happy. I want her to not look back if that's what she wants. I want her to feel like she tied up every loose end she could and move on. Because this is what she wants.
This is eating away at me like nothing I have ever experienced. I have literally been sobbing for 2 days now. So much so that my eyes are just about swollen shut. My husband actually took pity on me and brought me home dinner and a special dessert. This is huge coming from someone who can't understand how online friends are, in fact, actual friends.
I feel like I broke up with my first boyfriend, you know that awful feeling that nothing will ever be right? For example, I'm moving home to CA and I'm wondering how I'm going to do that without Tarina. As if she was going to be here packing or something. I know, I'm insane.
I'm checking my inbox like crazy and running like a madwoman to my cell each time it rings, thinking FOR SURE this time it will be her saying she can't do this either.
But it's not. I keep thinking that maybe the best thing about this for her is the love of a friend, sometimes its just enough to know it's there. Even if she didn't earn it, or want it or need it. There it is, no matter how bad it gets. She wants me to go, so I will let her be... No matter how much I want to pick up the phone. I won't. But she is killing me. This is killing me. But she doesn't want me to care right now. Maybe she never will again. Maybe she'll call me tomorrow. She's stronger then that though. Anyhow who can flat out tell someone they are close to that they don't want their friendship isn't going to be fazed by my outpouring of grief. She's changed her IM, I fully expect her to boot me off her friends list & make it private, and then change her email. She probably will never even see this.
I hope she doesn't. This morning I wanted her to just fucking notice. I wanted her to feel bad that she is doing this. I know she said she did in her blog but it wasn't enough. Now I am back to just the worst sadness, but I don't want to share it with her. I want her to be happy. I want her to not look back if that's what she wants. I want her to feel like she tied up every loose end she could and move on. Because this is what she wants.
